You know when you experience so much that it feels like in and of itself a lifetime? Good trips are always this way. This is how I feel about the last six weeks. People stop and say "oh, how was it?" and I have to look at them for a while, as my brain flips through a thousand emotions trying to pick one out that would adequately describe the experience as a whole. I haven't found my word yet.
France.
I lived in a small guest cottage on a beautiful estate overlooking the Lot valley, surrounded by vineyards. I lived with a world famous teacher/violinist and his wife. His castle used to be a 13th century church, with stone walls and wood roofs and a beautiful wine cellar that is now their dining room. I was introduced to artists, poets, philosophers and psychologists. We sat, we talked, they drank wine and I listed to them slip easily in and out of French and English. I had two hour lessons six days a week. Does anyone know what it takes to be prepared for a two hour lesson six days a week? Lots and lots of practicing. I woke up, I used the internet, I practiced. I ate breakfast, took a shower, practiced. Then the lesson, then lunch, then practice. Then dinner, then practice. Then sleep, and in my sleep I dreamed of practicing. I learned three complete concertos, one complete Bach sonata, one piano/violin sonata, one show piece, and hours and hours of technique and etudes. It was amazing.
But amazing can't be the word that describes my experience, simply because it leaves out how hard it was. I wish hard could be my word. Overall I feel like it was, just so bloody, unbearably hard. But hard just sounds so negative, so I can't use that word either.
The details are that my very intelligent teacher also has a very hard time with organized religion. He believes in God, but not in a God that listens to us mere mortals. He therefore sees any efforts to be nearer to God by trying to become a better person, as a complete waste of time. No, it's stronger then that. Its not just a waste of time, it reveals to the whole world your lack of intelligence. So, enter me - obviously lacking in intelligence. I felt every day it was a battle to defend what I loved and believed in. After five weeks, you leave exhausted. That was hard. It was hard to be told that I had ruined my career by getting married and that my divorce was inevitable because all great artists have to live in Europe and my husband lives and works in Utah. You may think it sounds funny out of context, but believe you me, it was not all that funny when I was there, alone, hearing it everyday.
The lessons were fantastic, even though his teaching style is that "old school abusive" type. He told me I played like a F*%# pig almost on a daily basis. But I know this, so it wasn't much of a shock. Overall though I improved dramatically and came home singing on that beautiful piece of wood, although my little heart was quite bruised.
I have a new violin, a new bow, and a new appreciation for life. Life - my life. My life that includes a husband, and a mortgage on the house we are buying, and maybe even a very small and dismal career full of beautiful music, and my family that surrounds me in this ever self populating state. I love it. I love BBQ's and church and people speaking English. France was amazing. It was hard. It was 500 other words too.
So yeah. I don't know how to put any more of this on paper. It was so blooming complicated, but wow, it was pretty darn cool.