Nonie asked me yesterday if I was breathing. Funny question - but it really does apply to life here. The answer is usually no. There is so much pressure that I've never felt before - screaming words demanding I move abroad and don't I dare think about having kids. It is hard, I remind myself that he is German and most Germans scream. He screams even when he's happy. But it is still hard to breathe. I tell myself he does not control my life and that Brent and I are in the middle of buying a house in Salt Lake. But sometimes that feels so far away and then I break down in tears when Emily calls from Israel. So I find myself having big sighs; reminding myself I am strong; and then I play and am shocked at how much better I sound only in 10 days.
I'm buying a new violin. I know I just bought one. It's such a long story. My violin is going to Amsterdam and my new violin is on it's way to France. But I am excited - the new violin is of coarse, better. Everything is better - but that is why it is so complicated.
someone tell me it will all be okay.
3 comments:
Melissa! Sounds like an intense experience in France! And I'm sure it all really will be okay. You're one of the people I idolize because you refuse to not make everything be okay. And so your life works out! As will this. Hope I get to hear you play again soon, especially with the new violin! That's awesome. Breathe!!! :)
thanks steph. How are you doing? I'm slowly going crazy, obviously, but I am improving, so mission accomplished I guess. Today I shut the curtains to my room and danced like crazy to loud music. I've learned sometimes its the only thing to do and it always makes me laugh outloud.:) yeehaw
Glad to hear you got to let loose a little! I imagine intense daily lessons are overwhelming and you must be exhausted by the end of the day! It sounds like Aspen times 500. :) I feel like I'm currently trying to switch brains. I understand a lot of the Italian but try and answer in French. Doesn't really work. :) The man I live with (that sounds wrong) doesn't speak any English though, so it's kind of necessary that I learn Italian fast. So here goes! Keep blogging. I love hearing about all you're doing. Good luck!
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