Congratulations, collect $10 and pass GO.
Lately I've been trying to overcome a most recent discovery of a problem I never thought I'd have. All those days of running from one train to the next, spinning. . . racing. . . colliding in and out of subway stations and fruit stands, always dreaming of the life I couldn't yet live: backyards, BBQ's, a dog, driving with the windows down through streets without traffic. It seemed like a dream I just would never quite get to. The yearning for this life became so intense especially when I was in France that I had to stop allowing myself to even picture it.
So, after almost two years of fighting to make it. . . here I am.
I should be celebrating, throwing house warming parties, and kissing the hood of the car every morning - but for some reason I have found myself feeling deflated with this weird voice in the back of my head suggesting to my mind that life just isn't as exciting when you live it so easy.
I think mostly the problem is the ever-so-frequent demon: Inertia. It is a hard thing to come to an environment that doesn't make the pace you work at best an easy thing to keep up. I miss the energy of the city that propelled me into action every morning at six am. Instead, I find myself having to gather all that motivation from my own gut - and I'm just not used to that yet.
But it will come. I'm convinced that if I were to transport myself into my Woodside apartment tomorrow, I would immediately remember the familiar feeling of wanting all the things that for some reason I'm seeing as 'boring' in this moment.
I will throw a house warming party. I will enjoy the feeling of driving on tree-lined streets without the smell of dog urine and garbage coming through the window. My life is so dang good, and I refuse to let the demons that try to rule perspective take it away from me.
6 comments:
Congratulations on your house! Home-owning is great, though overwhelming at times. I too feel like I've been married a long time. But it's all good. Glad to see things are going so well for you.
Girrrl, the streets of NYC miss you too. Suburbia is great if you want peace, tranquility and uniformity, however for a little spice, nothing beats the city. Thanks for sharing your husband with my husband this weekend they are having a great time.
Thanks Melissa! Just a few more weeks and I can handle legal troubles of all kinds. I'm so glad you're in Salt Lake, so when I have kids and they're old enough they can go to you for lessons!
we're excited to see your new house! happy to hear you're all moved in and mesa is nearly potty trained, they always become more fun once you're not cleaning stuff of the new carpet :) hope to see you guys soon!
Oh it's true I haven't been blogging at all. I'm sorry. I LOVE this picture you have up.... and I love you too. =) It was good to see you this summer.
you write in such a compelling, sparse and honest way. it is such a pleasure to run into your words here on the world wide web. i stumbled upon your blog via emily hope's links on her blog. i hope my curiousity isn't too intrusive, but i couldn't help commenting on the lovely way you convey your thoughts.
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