Call off the troops!

This week hasn't been my best week. Brent is gone this time for 5 weeks; we're 3 weeks into it with 2 weeks to go. It started as a triumphant quest to conquer time but after this last week I'm sounding the bugle call of defeat. Call off the army! Raise the white flag! I'm done done done with not an ounce of victory left.
The first thing to go was the disposal. It just broke. I tried everything with that stupid key and could not get it to work. This was quickly followed by the dirt guy ripping up our front lawn in 4 distinct tire tracks, and eventually deciding to put the 4 cubic yards of dirt in the street. Which then I had to move. With a shovel. And a wheel barrow. For hours. It would have just been an afternoon of hard labor, except I went inside to start the dinner and then downstairs to start the laundry. 3 minutes later I went back downstairs to find the washing machine billowing black smoke. My clothes sat in the washer filled with water, and nothing moving but the smoke which seemed to keep coming no matter what I did. Upon trying to solve the problem, open the windows, and saying a few choice words, I went back upstairs only to find the dinner burned to a crisp and the whole upstairs in a cloud of charcoal. I threw in the towel and went to the store for more food, only to discover I didn't have my wallet. So we drove home, but the wallet turned out to be lost, not just forgotten. And then I realized I'd forgotten Brooklynn's three staples (Blankets, Sippee, sound machine) in Logan. I made my way to the bank, where through tears, I begged the teller to let me withdraw some cash without ID. Because we didn't have any wallet or money to buy some darn food. And the food I did have was burnt. And the laundry machine was broken. And so was the disposal. And the dirt was in the darn street.

But I didn't surrender there. I really kept trying. I called the Maytag people. I spent forever on the phone with a lady who, pardon my French, was NOT helpful. I called another company and set an appointment. I hauled that darn dirt. I found my wallet. I prayed, cooked a family who just had a new baby dinner, spent hours reading to Brooklynn and setting little goals to help myself feel some kind of movement. I went to work, did the dishes, cleaned the house, went grocery shopping, made bread from scratch, and spent an hour at Home Depot trying to figure out how to lengthen a washing machine hose because, although the repair guy fixed the problem, he created a new one with the solution.

However, it's as if the forces laughed in my face for trying to hold the front lines. This morning, after a shout of victory from the laundry room, I lengthened the hose and tightened the screws. SUCCESS!! I looked at the pile of sheets and blankets that Brooklynn successfully wet in her sleep last night. They would succumb to detergent and water. I had won.

I carefully sorted the colors and put the pile into the now new and improved washing machine. I turned the knob. It magnificently started washing the clothes. The time came for it to drain. My hose held. My work was successful. And then the drain in the floor clogged and the basement flooded.

I'm not kidding. Out of complete dispair I folded my arms and just started to cry. I stood there for several minutes, eyes closed, just feeling defeat and exhaustion. I opened my eyes and Brooklynn was in front of me, looking up at me with folded arms as well. She saw me open my eyes and giggled. Copy cat. She was so darn cute and so perfect in her silent display of me that it just made me start smiling. I gave in, picked her up, and hugged her for 5 minutes. It reminded me that not everything has been bad this week. We had a perfect hike up Millcreek Canyon, her, Mesa, and myself. It really was perfect: perfect temperature, perfect color, perfect length. We've had wonderful hours of reading and snuggling together, Cami fixed my disposal (just like that!) AND did all my laundry at her house, Nate hauled the last (and hardest) loads of my dirt and then landscaped it into beautiful mounds, Josh helped me move the washer so it would be ready for the repair guy the next day, Linda drove Brooklynn's things down from Logan, I prayed and knew exactly where to find my wallet, Linda G. and Robynne have taken Brooklynn for days and days as I work, the repair guy was so helpful, as was the guy at the running company who single handedly changed my life with his diagnosis of my knee problem, which reminds me, my knee is now fixed, which is why I had an awesome run yesterday, AND I went riding which is when Cash took a giant step forward in her training.

Our yard has gone from this:


To this:


And although feeling defeated at the moment because of that stupid darn drain, I'm grateful for the people who are giving in order to keep me going. Brent, 2 weeks and counting, we'll be really happy when you are home.