Stage One: Fear and the Unknown
July 28th, 2010 Dropped Brent off at the airport for the first time in this experience. As I drove away, I remember feeling giddy anxiety over this new chapter opening in our life. I had no idea what was to come, or how I was going to work and juggle being all the mom that Brooklynn needed. But I was excited, too. I was excited to see where it took us, and so grateful for life to get even better with that thing they call employment.
Stage Two: Plan and Conquer
September 16th, 2010 Stripped, primed, and painted the shutters on the outside of the house. Revised my list of daily chores to be even more efficient. Went to the nursery and reconstructed a new and improved flower bed design for every nook and crany of our yard. Read to Brooklynn at least a bazillion hours. Patted myself on the back for being that awesome.
Stage Three: Exhaustion and tears
October 2nd, 2010 Had my second major break down that life sucks being a single mom. I swear, the dog doesn't bark, the temperature stays warm, and the garbage takes itself out when Brent is home. When he's not, everything breaks on cue, Brooklynn gets into messes she never would otherwise, and life itself is dull and exhausting.
Stage Four: Live one day at a time
January 1st, 2011 Somehow I hadn't really looked past the holidays. I just kept thinking ". . . okay, November we've got Thanksgiving, December we've got Christmas and New Years . . . and by January this will be over!" Than January came, and of coarse it wasn't over. I stopped blogging because that meant reporting on what just seemed like such a stagnant situation. I stopped doing anything but getting through that one day. Looking beyond today seemed nothing but frustrating.
Stage Five: Enlightenment
February 9th, 2011 It's been 6 months and 12 days. The longest 6 months and 12 days ever. But I think I've come to a new place. I've decided to just embrace this path. At least for now. Maybe this is just a variation of stage two. Maybe. But at least it's better than stage four. I've decided reading is my new release. I've bought 5 new books that I can't break out of - they're AMAZING. The longer we do this, the less I'm satisfied with Brent's short term trips home. They're just never long enough. But reading and praying and trying to just embrace the path is my new defense mechanism.
Welcome, stage five.
5 comments:
You are doing a wonderful job and hopefully stage 6 is reunification. I'm excited to see you and Brooklynn next week.
Good job! You're helping me to remember to appreciate the stage I'm still in - living in the in-laws basement with husband in unstable employment. Not the way I'd like it - but we're here nonetheless!
Your a strong women, Brent and Brooklynn are very lucky!
isn't that the way it always goes? It's not till we accept the challenge, instead of resist it, that it begins to move. When we stop fighting it, the challenge we're facing becomes something we get THROUGH. We don't bypass it, or circumnavigate it, we've got to pass through it, actually experience it. We have to let go of our pride and our agenda and just go with it. When we do that, we come out on the other side of it stronger than before. (Though it's hard for me to believe that you, with all your strength and determination, could possibly be made more strong!) I think you're there already :)
Here's to TnD's hope that stage 6 is reunification!
If you haven't already read it, grab The Help and The Weight of Silence. My bookclub read both recently and I really liked them.
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