That’s it. I’m complaining.
Planning a wedding sucks - Constantly relying on other people who bail or don’t return your phone calls
I’ve never been this emotional before – up and down and all around. I’m not like this, normally. But I’m not normally trying to move, practice, take midterms, deal with crazy roommates, plan receptions, and sign in books, and not get enough alone time, and get too much alone time, and not enough practice time, and too much studying, and deal with the details that I deep down do not care about. I feel like a tight rope inside. When did this begin? Last week. When the packing began. What is it with me and not liking to be on the move? You would think that as a free spirit this would pertain to physically moving as well – I’ve lived out of my car for years. But there is something about being grounded that comes with having my things in place, with a routine that I can choose to break if I feel like it. Having things in boxes and staring reality and huge changes in the face is enough to make anyone feel like they are going to hyperventilate. Its been a big year - a lot of work . . . and I’m feeling the pull of it all.
All these questions about how many tables we’ll be using, if I want a throw away bouquet in addition to my ‘real’ one, what shade of cream to dye the smallest girls dresses. I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care. What I care about is him. I care if he smiles, and if my muffins make his day brighter. I care that he loves me, and that he tells me I’m enough – even when I don’t feel good that day. I care that he wants to be with me, forever. I care that he loves me even when I am hard to love – and that he doesn’t give up on me, ever. That he’ll hold me and kiss me all over and somehow make me laugh when I want to tare someone’s eyes out - that somehow when he touches me everything in the whole world rights itself and is okay. I care that he loves to make me smile, I care if he has eaten that day. I care about how I can help him feel how I see him. I care if he gets enough sleep and if he was able to watch tv and talk to the guys, because I know how much he loves it. I care a little bit about the weather on our wedding day – and that is about it when it comes to the white, the old, and the new. Engagements suck – let it be known. My advice is to have the shortest one possible.