Sometimes I feel like I am sifting through life up to my eye balls. It's like sand, growing heavier and heavier with every stroke. It's not that I'm not strong, it's not that I lack motivation. But oh how it can be exhausting. I thought today that in having motivation it only makes the journey that much more tiresome, because I am trying so dang hard.
Tonight was a very rare night off that was so needed I feel I have collapsed on the couch unwilling to do anything but breathe.
Of coarse life is not always this way. I actually like being busy, but often I am overwhelmed by how much this new job of teaching really requires. Hours of phone calls with mothers and juggling the ups and downs that come with teaching their teenagers . . . it was more than I thought came with the job. But I love it. There are three recitals coming up that we're all working hard for. The outcome will be fantastic, but the work has me running from one event to the next, working long and odd hours, and pulling myself up to face it all with a will that often feels like a breeze running through all the core parts of my fibers: Somewhat hollow.
Lately I have neglected the details . . . . phone calls that didn't get returned, neighbors that I drove right past without stopping to chat, people I was impatient with because time sometimes seems so fragile . . . I hate it when I neglect the details. There is a reason why the Lord gave us a day of rest . . . . I just keep wondering where that day goes when you are busy running around doing church things on Sunday. Any comments on this?
On the upside, I did find a doula. She is wonderful and I am now feeling like I am on my way to being prepared to go through the whole "having a baby" episode.
A friend of mine is a therapist and on her answering machine, right when you expect to hear the cliche "Have a good day" she instead says "Make it a good day". I love hearing this. There is decision there, firm resolve. It's not about control, but actually the lack of it, and taking responsibility for what we can. So everyone, in the midst of all this chaos, and especially me until after May 9th, then June 1st, then June 14th, and after the thing that will come after that . . . Make it a good day.
7 comments:
Beautifully put, I can't think of anything more important that our attitudes and out look on life. The happy people that surround us have problems just like us but they have the "make it a good day" attitude, something I search for everyday!
I saw the dates of your concerts and we need addresses and times and details so we can come to some of them if possible. Finding a balance to it all is a challenge which we face our whole lives. The "make it a good day" attitude puts the responsibility where it belongs. Love to hear from and about you.
Hey, cool thing happened. I went on line to the the Temple Square site and was browsing things to do for our YW on the 9th and found you as one of my opptions! "Melisa Thatcher Director" So cool! You go girl.
i missed seeing you at chelsia's shower today, they said you came breifly at the beginning, anyway, good post, i want to come see your group next weekend at the assembly hall, good luck!
You are a trooper, prego and all. Just count down, the days and minutes until you have done it all. I always say when I am overwhelmed, "I will get through the next 2 days, 12 hours, 55 minutes", somehow, I always do then build in your own break time.
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